Don't Try

In my last post I arrived at the conclusion that trying less would probably solve most of my problems. I am already feeling a wave of relief in my body as I consider the possibility that I might be allowed to back off a bit. The question is how though. How does one not try? Is it the same as just letting things happen? How does one do that? I like watching movies. Perhaps it is because I trust that all of the things that should happen will happen without me taking an initiative. And so I can relax. In real life, it seems I don’t have that conviction. I believe it is always up to my will. If I don’t focus, apply myself fully and will like crazy, no good can happen.

Let’s try this. I will try less and less. Hm. Does that mean that I should try something else? Like, if I’m busy trying my hardest at something else, then maybe I won’t notice the thing I actually want to do and perform better at that. Like sleeping and playing golf. So what could I focus my try-hard on? Maths? I actually remember having done that successfully in the past. I never figured out why it would work, and when I don’t have a model for explaining something I usually just abandon it. But let me try this hypothesis then, that if I am fully trying to solve math problems and convince myself that that is the true goal and what matters most — then I will be able to play and sleep freely. I actually don’t have any other idea than maths, although it does seem a bit dry. Alright let’s try this technique:

Come up with two random three-digit numbers, and then add them together.

That should be enough to start experimenting with the concept.

Another thought instead of maths might be to try and remember certain plot details or come up with background stories for movies and series I’ve seen, like Star Wars, The Godfather and Sopranos. I suddenly feel very hopeful that anything that could distract me would help me play better. Let’s start with going back to sleep.

I did that, and now it’s three days later.

Well, trying to simply distract myself doesn’t really work, as it turns out. I think I’m too smart for that. I simply don’t buy it. My newest hypothesis is that I am simply so afraid of failing that I cannot think of anything else. The key seems to be the fear. So I’m gonna make a new post about that.