Expressing Myself

So I have this ridiculous need to express myself. It’s not enough to be loved, it’s not enough to be successful. Or you know, successful-ish. I mean, I have success. I have everything I want. So it almost feels like I’m only waiting for something to happen. Not necessarily something bad. But it’s a weird feeling. I’ve always been striving. And now suddenly, I am extremely close to having it all. Of course, there are always details. And it seems that those details are magnified when they are all that’s missing. Like, if I have it all, then the fact that I don’t have my favorite cereal in the cupboard and will have to walk the few hundred meters to the store tomorrow to get them suddenly seems like a suitable reason to be bummed out. Whereas if I wouldn’t have had a home, then the lack of a roof over my head would probably have been the thing to annoy me the most. It seems that being annoyed or unhappy or dissatisfied is more of a personality trait than it is a response to the actual situation. Because I think we both know that if those cereals would magically appear on the shelf without me having to lift a finger, then I would instantly focus my feelings of dissatisfaction on another, nearby target. I guess it works both ways, so someone who has a better character and is grateful by default would probably find a way to be grateful for the floor in the scenario with the missing roof. I wonder why some people are so picky. Why does it hurt so much to let go of the pain? Are they afraid that might not be loved for who they are, and so they seek metaphoric cover behind the flaws of their surroundings in order to hide the flaws in themselves? You tell me.