Single Player No More

At a certain time in my life, when I was a kid, I just wanted to play single player computer games. It was pure fun, a seemingly endless adventure. I never questioned it, as it intuitively made perfect sense to me and always felt worthwhile. I don’t know when the shift happened, and how much came from me growing up and how much of it had to do with my insights as a game developer which took away the magic. But in my adult life, I find single player gaming to be bearable at best. And it bothers me in a way. Now I can do all the gaming I ever wanted, without being hassled by mom or having to spend time on homework or having to yield the computer to one of my many brothers. But now I don’t enjoy it. It seems to be one of the most self-deceiving ways to literally pour away time. The only value with it seems to be to be able to tell others, who don’t have time to play, how much fun you had playing it. Like a status thing. So sad.

Next question then: Why does it bother me to waste time? The question itself implies that I believe that there is an option, that there is indeed ways to spend time in a meaningful way, on meaningful things. What is my foundation for this, on what data does my argument rest? Probably just a feeling. A sensation that when I am together with others and sharing experiences, then the relationship deepens and that is in itself valuable. It seems to be one of the only values that seem unquestionably real to me lately, as even the earning of money has lost most of its attractiveness. Of course, if I poke at it and try to bring on my analytic mind to break it down, then I cannot really substantiate the notion that relationships are valuable either. In the end, when time has come for me to die, how will I look back on things? Well, I think I will definitely be glad I valued shared experiences higher than single player adventures. And probably I’ll be glad that I didn’t spend all my time trying to make money, that is if I did something that seemed more valuable. Keeping that perspective then, imagining that I am looking back from the end of my life, what would be worth spending my time on now? Bob Rotella formulated it something like “a life spent chasing dreams is a life well lived”. So, is that what I’m doing? I guess not. Have I been happy during the times that I have been chasing dreams? Let’s see. When I think back to happy times, I usually think of my years at the university, my first year at a game company, my first year at a podcasting platform company and my time at a start-up generator. Also probably the early parts of my start-up endeavor. Yes, the pattern seems to hold up! I seem to be at my happiest when I am chasing dreams. I cannot believed I have never formulated this hypothesis before. So the question of “what should I do with my life?” can be more focused in to “what dreams should I chase today?”. Disc golf mastery is one, for sure. And so I’m off to the course.